programming languages comparison: What If programming languages were men

programming languages image

So,you have watched the “Everyone should learn how to code” viral campaign video or at the very least heard someone talking about programming/coding.To some it is part of their year’s resolution to learn.

Imagining where to start from?Well, stereotypes aside, in a non-technical way I break it down for you; what some programming languages would be if they were men would perhaps give you a better comparison of programming languages:

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He’s friendly enough, but he’s inconsistent. One day he’s telling you everything’s cool and the next day he’s making all sorts of crazy demands on you. He doesn’t have many friends but somehow he’s at all the parties.


He’s rich, classy and stuck up. He’s a total type A personality and not very pleasant to work with. But sometimes he’s the one with just enough clout to get a job done.


He’s Java’s brother, everything seems right but he just failed to cut through the mainstream media.


He’ s Java’s step “bro,” and they’re always competing with one another. Half the time they compete it’s a draw, but that doesn’t stop them from trying to one-up one another all the time like a couple of Neanderthals. You’re kind of over both of them.


He’s C++’s father. It’s where C++ got most of his bad manners and outdated ideas.


He’s the first friend you made when you were still a newbie.Apparently with change in time, you make better friends with better scripting language.


is the cool kid in the scripting family though he used to be slow,he has increased his speed with time.


He’s  Ruby’s more sensible friend.He’s smart, energetic, young and loved by the ladies.He’s already playing on the senior’s team.


He’s well toned, well developed torso, macho and very strong.Many people are afraid of him because of his complexity but he is a cool guy altogether.Just call him scalable.


He’s the older gentleman who was big is his day and has it in his head that he’s still got it. He does get the occasional older woman, and once in a while you catch him leering at a lady from behind an old mainframe.

Add more of your views and interpretations in the comments below.

Disclaimer: The above post doesn’t necessarily express views of

  • I agree on your remarks with Javascript. It’s such an inconsistent language and yet it’s
    the bedrock upon which all web pages or applications run on.

    I wouldn’t see Python is Ruby’s “more sensible friend” much the two languages are very much similar in philosophy and implementation.

    Now where’s my bro php?

  • fodongkara

    Java and C++ are competing bros? You must be kidding me. For the Computer Engineer, it’s C++ but for the Computer Scientist it’s JAVA. I do not see them competing. If you want to build enterprise or mobile application you use JAVA. If you want to work with embedded systems and related fields, it’s C++.

    PHP is the sharp bro who gets all the girls while the other guys are trying to impress them. He’s reckless and cares less about the ladies but makes them feel so good: you know ;). They are always clinging on to him as the others are hustling to impress and bad mouthing him. He’s a winner. Do not be fooled.

  • Still wondering which man i would pick as i am still new to coding but i hear Ruby is nice guy to us newbies so may be i will hang with him for sometime

  • PHP is your first friend. lets call him your real friend. The one that bails you out when the other have let you down or feeling sweet. He is a brat sometimes though

  • PHP and JavaScript, ma best friends for life, i don’t see em’ ever letting me down.